Do any of the following situations piss you off?

• In the midst of an economic crisis, major world catastrophes, massive job dismissals and other world shattering events, most of Melbourne’s nightly news services start their bulletins with a story about some bloody Aussie Rules player’s urine that came back positive for a banned substance. Who gives a shit?

• You ring your telecom provider about your account: you talk to a moronic computer for about 5 minutes; you are asked to key in your account number and other crap and then you are asked to hang on for the next available consultant. Finally, you get to talk to a human being. But wait, there’s more! Now the human asks you for the exact same information! Shit!

• You ring a technical support number during Melbourne’s business hours and end up talking to some guy you can hardly understand because he is somewhere on the other side of the world. You don’t know where he is (hell, either does he most of the time) but you’re pretty sure it’s not in Melbourne. What gives it away? He doesn’t speak English; the phone line sounds like it’s using urine (see point 1 above) to send the sound waves; you know you don’t have a hearing problem so it must be his accent and when you ask him where he’s based in Australia he says ‘What’s that?’

• The Victorian government spends millions of dollars enticing people to use public transport and you take the bait only to find that the trains do not run on time; there are more cancellations than trains running; and you constantly find yourself in overcrowded carriages with your nose half-way up someone’s armpit who believes in not wasting water by showering only on his birthday and has the odour to stop a herd of camels and their fleas dead in their tracks.

• The Americans and the Brits told us there were Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD) in Iraq. So in they went. Now, towards the end of 2009, the prime minister of the UK will launch an independent inquiry as to why they went to war. Huh? You mean you don‚Äôt know why you went in? After all the loss of lraqi lives, soldiers’ lives, billions of dollars spent on guns, bullets etc. you want to know why? I’ll tell you why, you idiot and all it will cost you is $0.00. OIL. Simple isn’t it? I swear, these politicians are as dumb as dried dog shit.

• You’ve had a hard day at work. Everyone in the office is nervous. No one knows who is next to be made redundant due to the economic crisis. But have no fear. Our politicians are busy scrambling around the world getting ideas as to how to save your job and the country’s economy. Yep, they’re leaving on jet planes out of pure altruism to help you. But this begs the question. Rather than spending thousands of taxpayers’ dollars on flying around the globe, emitting gases that add to global warming (remember, they spend millions advertising this fact), accommodation, this that and the other, why not just pick up the fucking phone and call someone? Or does this make too much sense?

So, to those whose insatiable greed caused the economic crisis, I dedicate the first picture below. To the office worker, the second picture below.

All of the above and much much more infuriates me. Hence the creation of this blog. I intend to rant and muse about anything and everything that irritates me, and of course, pleases me. I am sure that some people will relate to some of my diatribes.

So come along for the ride. Read, comment, post and enjoy. Tell your friends, relatives, fellow countrymen, dogs, cats and rats about this site. All you require is a sense of justice, a sense of humour and a brain (common sense is optional).

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